A Million And One Apologies
by robert3A-SN
Summary: On the morning after "The Fight" the Snakejuice hangover, the fight with Ann, and the uncertainty with Ben all make Leslie feel rather alone- at least until Ben proves her wrong. Set during and after "The Fight"


**Warning: Spoilers for "The Fight" – the other Parks episode from last Thursday- on the extreme off chance fans still need a spoiler alert. Please excuse the angsty start, although this starts during a rather angsty moment in time for Leslie.**

"_I owe her, like, a million apologies. And I think I owe you one, too. I'm sorry."_

"_For what?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_Are you okay?"_

"_No. I'm sad."_

Of all the words ever used to describe Leslie Knope, even she would have been the last person to include the word "sad." Of course, words like "hung over" "jackass" and "mad at Ann" would never have been associated with her either, yet she changed that in the last 12 hours too. At least the "mad at Ann" part was already over, but the guilt over its existence wasn't going away.

When she finally woke up this morning, it was clear that a Snakejuice hangover was the worst feeling imaginable. In fact, as she held back vomit for the eighth time in the last six minutes, she conceded that it felt even worse than Ann hating her- at least in her kidneys. These two rotten feelings were powerful enough on their own, but combining them together in one morning was just overkill. Almost as much overkill as she used in attacking poor Ann last night.

Ben tried to reassure her that they'd be okay, but there was no way to really know. Since they hadn't fought before, there was no protocol on how long they could stay mad at each other, or whether they could even stop being mad. If they were capable of going at it this much, who's to say what other rotten surprises were left?

At that moment, Leslie remembered how the Douche used the term "going at it" last night, and then her vomit nearly broke through on the 9'th try. After seeing that, Ben figured that they should both take a break, so they left the room without another word.

Once Leslie saw Ben head off- probably to collapse in his office- she managed to remember what she said about owing him an apology too. Even now, she couldn't say what it would be for, or what hundred things it would be for. Leaving him hanging and confused throughout their whole mess, not dancing with him while drunk, not admitting that Ann was a tiny bit right when they were fighting about him….a few of those things would do it.

And now she doesn't even have a best friend anymore to help her sort it out.

That realization was officially rock bottom for Leslie- maybe the lowest rock bottom she'd ever faced.

Not being able to settle things with Ben, or do anything else with Ben, was hard enough on her these last few weeks. But at least through all that, she had Ann to help distract her and give her something to look forward to. She had at least one person that she could still be open and honest with, and not to have to hide anything from. Now she had both no Ann, and no Ben, or at least no Ben in the way she really….tried not to want.

This shouldn't have affected Leslie that much. After all, she went most of her life without having Ann or Ben around, and it worked out fine for her. It had only been two years since Ann came to that fateful town meeting, and just one year since Ben came to try and cut those meetings from the budget. That's not too long for her to forget about how to go without a best friend and a….Ben.

Who was she kidding? If it was possible to time travel back to then, Leslie would have to be dragged back kicking and screaming. But that was what was happening, and it was happening while she didn't even have the motor skills to kick or scream.

All she had now was a job that she was fighting tooth and nail not to let herself screw up. But that probably couldn't hold much longer, especially now that both of the best relationships of her life were officially screwed up. And she had no idea how to fix either of them, especially in her current condition. Heck, Leslie didn't know how she was still able to have an inner monologue right now.

So since no outer monologues were coming out of her mouth, all she could bring herself to do was find Dennis Cooper's tamest sign, and write her name in place of Jan's. Fittingly, the only one interested in seeing her write "Leslie, how could you?" now was a silent cameraman.

Still, Leslie managed to stand being all alone for an hour and a half, before having to go back to the interviews with Ben. And it was handy to have Dennis Cooper there to whine about his problems- at least until the fifth time he talked about Jan's chlamydia. At that point, hearing about someone else's rotten luck wasn't so comforting anymore.

So after Dennis left, Leslie steeled herself to ask who was next, even if it wasn't a worse person than herself.

Then she got her answer, when the best sober person in the whole wide world walked through the door.

"You came!" Leslie exclaimed to Ann, in spite of how ear splitting her voice sounded to her. But it was the best ear-splitting feeling she'd had all day.

"Yeah, I had some….encouragement."

A bit of Leslie's hang over was starting to clear up now- at least enough for her to notice that Ann was smiling at Ben. And for the first time in hours, Leslie's brain was working correctly, as it pieced together why Ann and Ben could be smiling, and why she really hadn't seen Ben until they resumed the interviews.

Ben actually got Ann to come back for her. In spite of everything, and all those million apologies she owed, Ann was here and Ben, of all people, brought them back together. She still had them both after all….

"Lots of regret and shame…..should be the official slogan for Snakejuice."

At that comment from Ann, Leslie snapped back into action, or as much as she could snap. But in spite of her remaining sickness, it didn't feel so….overwhelming now. In fact, talking about how the 'committee' was a jackass was the easiest thing she had done all day. And with Ann actually there to hear it, and to forgive her, thinking about her mistakes wasn't so depressing anymore. Because they hadn't cost her anything for good, except maybe a few brain cells and a few years of life from her kidneys.

Yet if rotting kidneys was the price to pay for having a best friend to throw up in a wastebasket with, it sounded like a good deal.

That didn't even include the extra bargain of having someone to reunite vomiting best friends.

For one second, Leslie felt lucky to have a hang over, and long overdue vomit on the way. Otherwise she might feel active enough to hug Ben, or giddy enough to kiss him for all of this. Yet all she had the strength to do was hit him playfully with her folder on the way out.

But she'd reflect on how sad that might have been later, after she coughed up the last bit of Snakejuice out of her stomach- and after she finished her last 999,999 apologies to Ann.

The next day started much better, after Ann was healthy enough for a regular interview with Chris, and Leslie was healthy enough to hug her after she got the job. As Ann explained her new work schedule, and Leslie dreamed up a bunch of projects for the parks and health PR departments to team up on, it was clear that all was normal between them again.

For Leslie, it was nice to not feel sad or angsty or paranoid anymore, at least on this issue. The Snakejuice really did do too much of a number on her, even in the morning. It made her think that Ann would really be mad at her forever, and made her forget how Ben wouldn't have it let it go on if she was. Now that her head was clear, there'd be no more crazy thoughts like that for a while.

Maybe she'd have realized it on her own, even if Ann didn't come by after all. But now she'd never have to find out, and there was one reason for it above all. So after celebrating with Ann, Leslie went to find that one reason at his office.

"She got the job!" Leslie cheered, although it didn't look like it was news to Ben.

"I know, it's amazing how well a sober interview can go. But she was the best candidate, so I knew Chris would make the right decision."

Leslie bit back the hope that Chris could make the right decision in other areas someday, since this was supposed to be a happy time. If Ben was thinking that, he didn't let it on as he continued. "It's great that after all this, you'll get to work with your best friend after all."

It still amazed Leslie that 24 hours ago, she didn't think she'd see her best friend again. But while she was moping and hating herself, Ben took action, and even powered through his own hang over for them. Just as she brought him to his senses when he was slashing budgets and couldn't give an interview, he bailed her out when she was a mean, guilty drunk. That ability to pull each other through the worst times had to….count for something. Ann was normally the best one who could do that for her, but now….

Having someone else like that now filled Leslie with immense gratitude. At least enough to make her blurt out her first thought about Ben's 'working with your best friend' comment. "Yeah….it'll be great working with both of them now."

After Leslie held back vomit most of yesterday morning, holding back a gasp at her statement wasn't too hard. That was the closest she'd come to stating any feelings out loud about Ben, and she did it at work, where any city managers could have heard. But they didn't. And it's not like talking about friendship violated any policies.

That kind of feeling may not have been the whole truth, whatever the truth was. But it was part of the truth, and that was more of a rare thing lately. And it was true. Today, Leslie had two best friends, 24 hours after she thought she had none of them. And a lot of it was due to the one that stood five feet away from her, and was barely containing a smile right now.

Although Leslie's rational mind was working again, it was just a split second too late to stop her from giving her second hug ever to Ben. But this one was more like one of her special Ann hugs- although she could see how it could be modified into a Ben hug too. She even included a soft "Thank you, Ben," along with it, trusting that he knew what she was thanking him for.

Since he felt like he was frozen in place, perhaps it didn't get through. But it felt like he was starting to loosen up, as his arms were inching closer to hugging her back. Yet the rational part of Leslie then managed to take back control, and make her break apart just in time.

"So, um, I'll see you whenever Chris makes us do interviews again," Leslie stammered.

"Yeah, or any time before that, whenever is good," Ben stammered back. With that, they both waved goodbye as Leslie went off, before they could start to sound drunk again.

Now Leslie knew full well that everything was back to normal. Not only were she and Ann buddies again, but she and Ben were back to their old, awkward routine too. Only this time it almost got more out of hand than usual- and Snakejuice couldn't be used as an excuse for crazy behavior anymore.

So Leslie took a deep breath and swore that that was her last crazy, emotional, almost perfect moment for a while. In the back of her mind, she knew that she probably made things worse for Ben, but they'd still have to brush it aside. They were sober again, and it was time to start acting like it.

Yet she briefly heard herself give an apology to Ben in her head, making it her 1,000,001'st apology in the last day- but the first she was keeping to herself.

But it wasn't all bad. Now that all was well with Ann, she could talk her down, force her not to give in, and root for her to preserve her job at all costs. What else was a beautiful best friend for?

As she left with that positive thought, Ben's thoughts were still frozen up back in his office. But when his brain rebooted up, only one thought really came though. It was clear now that if he didn't kiss Leslie Knope before their next wacky adventure ended, his subsequent meltdown would make Dennis Cooper seem sane.

But after what Ann told him yesterday, perhaps reuniting the two best friends would truly pay off before it got that far. Something had to, anyway.


End file.
